I bet some of you thought I would be talking about the fictional “Professor X” and his murderous ways on Halloween. I suppose I should at least mention it, since I have worked on two different versions of the same grisly idea:

Here’s my 2020 version, which I think is best but perhaps slightly ahead of its time:

And then for this year, 2021, I tried to place the same vocal track in a more conventional (read “Vincent Price”) framework.

Not fully happy with this version, I remixed it with a different mastering tool:

https://soundcloud.com/earthpages/ripppp-two-on-professor-chainsaw-halloween-horrors-in-a-cheap-brown-suit?si=168f5755c4b9485aa111fc0619dbaf9b

The last one is slightly more transparent sounding than “The Hallowed Halls of Horrors” but again, I don’t think I got it quite right this year. So I’m including the first 2020 mix too (at top).

Truth be told, I’m getting tired of Professor Chainsaw. I’ve been developing that fictional theme ever since I graduated.

For Halloween this year I’d like to talk about scuzzballs in general, and how to keep the really scummy ones away

Let’s say you heard or suspect that some scuzzball is repeatedly invading your privacy and the privacy of your loved ones.

They are so scummy, they pretend to be your greatest friend. They may even say “Give my love to your wife” or “Give my love to your husband” all the while sitting there, going through you and your loved ones’ personal data on a daily basis for no reason other than to satisfy their own unresolved neuroses or perhaps borderline psychosis.

How do you get rid of these toxic creeps?

Well here are a few suggestions:

1 – Phase them out slowly

If you get rid of them too fast, they might go nuts on you and do something harmful. So you have to be polite and very, very slowly phase them out of your life. Never insult them directly, because they can use that to justify their creepy behavior. Just be nice, even if it takes effort, and slowly but surely GET RID OF THEM.

2 – Cut them off completely

What? I just said, “phase them out slowly.” Why this?

From my experience, each situation is unique so we have to make an informed decision on how best to deal with individuals behaving like beasts.

Sometimes it might actually be best to just pull the plug right away. Do not reply to their creepy emails, comments, whatever.

3 – I don’t know if 1 or 2 is best. What should I do?

If you do not feel confident about how to deal with an internet stalker or invasive creep who violates you and your loved ones’ privacy, it might be best to talk with a professional. Find someone who understands the complexity of our world and especially of what can go down on the internet. Talk with a qualified counselor who has seen it all before. Hear what they say. And then make up your own mind about how best to stay clear of the toxic violence that these lost, sad or disturbed souls may try to inflict on you.

4 – Pray for guidance

That may sound hokey to some people but for me, prayer is actually the best way to try to get things right. Ask God for help and guidance. That may include or lead to one of the above options. Or it may open a whole new door on how to effectively deal with what at bottom is just plain old evil.

These are just suggestions. I don’t believe there is a single solution for every problem under the sun. But we can try to make the internet a safer, healthier place by talking about rather than ignoring problems as they arise.

Good luck!