By Steve Sekhon
I was recently speaking with a friend and remarked ‘attitude is everything.’ Even though the comment sounded marginally trite at the time, the idea kept coming back to me throughout the day. Do I really have control over my attitude? Can changing it actually transform my life?
It became crystal clear to me that I’m free to hold whatever attitude I choose, whenever I want. It is this choice that creates my experience of life.
It can be easy to forget this obvious truth on those days that I feel I’m swimming against the current. But even then I know that, when I’m consciously aware, how I respond to life is entirely up to me.
The attitude I have about the events in my life creates my emotional and psychological experience of it even more than the actual events themselves.
I determine what I think should be happening and consequently how I’ll feel if things don’t quite work out the way I planned. I decide if I’ll be discouraged, happy, critical or sad. I define what success or failure means. I determine the way particular outcomes will make me feel. I am the only one who can decide to tune my attitude by selecting who I spend time with and what I do.
When I focus my attention on things that encourage, support and enliven me, I reap immediate and positive dividends. When I give my attention to problems, constraints and fearful potentialities, the results don’t feel nearly so good. They actually make me more likely to see my life and the world in a negative light. The more I experience disappointment from my negative expectations, the less reason I see to be joyful. The longer I do it, the less choice I feel I have.
I can change my habits from ones that don’t serve me to ones that do. I can cultivate a daily practice or join authentic happiness coaching that helps keep me on track. I can read daily words of encouragement, surround myself with positive people and make a point of noticing when I’m being negative.
The more I stay aware, the more I realize that I’m as free to choose my attitude, as I am to select a flavor at an ice cream parlor. The difference between a trip to the dessert shop and the spontaneous choice of attitude is that the former is a one-time event, while the latter can create a beautiful or vicious cycle that affects my entire life.
Tendencies we may have toward resentment, generosity, victim consciousness, self-confidence, fear, trust, self-acceptance, or self-hatred are obvious to everyone we encounter, but sometimes we take our own approach to life for granted without being aware of our power to choose it.
When we realize that it’s not the conditions in the outer world but our attitudes about those conditions that cause us to feel the way we do it can be an enormous game changer.
Others pick up on our attitudes, subconsciously or consciously, and respond to us accordingly. Whatever opinion we have of the world will be mirrored back to us and we’ll feel justified for holding it because the evidence to prove it shows up repeatedly. Our attitudes essentially create a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s why it’s so important to find some high quality and easy-to-digest daily words of encouragement that keep you on track.
If you’re having difficulties with someone in your life, look for just one quality you like and see if you can find compassion for the rest. If you’re having problems at work, try focusing on what’s going well instead what’s not. Keep your attention on what you appreciate in every person, place or thing in your life and watch the situations evolve and improve. Notice the words you use and remind yourself that the perceptions you form are simply the result of how you characterize what you see.
If you want an easy and powerful reminder to help you maintain this practice, subscribe to daily words of encouragement and receive them in your inbox everyday. It could change your life!
About the Author
Steve Sekhon and Jarl Forsman are the founders of GratitudeTwentyFourSeven.com, which produces courses, workshops and daily messages to remind you of wisdom (which you already know) that will help you get unstuck, enjoy life and be more fun to be around.
By: GLF SEO
Learn some self improvement lessons related to negative chatters, meditation, etc to eliminate negativity.
Negative feelings are like tidal waves, they attack your mind like waves coming one after another. Negative energy in you can take away you from good things in life. You are the beautiful creation of god and so don’t let any negativity affect your living. How to get rid of negativity? Get in touch with experts that deal with self improvement lessons. This will help in understanding the reason behind such pessimism and way to cure it.
In one day you cannot eliminate all negative energy, so start slowly and steadily. First understand what invites such bad feeling in your mind. Feelings like anger, jealousy, confusion, depression, etc results in downbeat which affects your persona. Learning self improvement lessons can help in getting rid of demons like negative energy. How to get rid of negativity? Here are some lessons related to self improvement which you need to learn:
Get in touch with experts
There are experts who can take you to the path of happiness by means of examining your problems. Learn how to control harsh emotions and not let them come your way in future in order to continue living and ego free life. In self improvement lessons, expert will always advice you to love yourself because this will help you to love others. If you let ego go out of your life, it can become very easy to handle emotions.
They will always advice you to meditate more in order to develop the power of concentration and gain back the positive aura. Meditation has power to eliminate every reason behind negativity! It helps to lower down the stress level, eliminate anxiety, etc. It will connect you in understanding yourself emotionally and will bring out positive power that can assist in dealing with different problems. Basically it quiets your body and soul, allowing you to develop self awareness.
Control negative chatters
What are chatters? Chatters are those thoughts that keep on running in your mind like things you want to achieve, your goal, your daily task, etc. You keep on thinking such things while traveling or while working but the problem arises when these chatters turn out to be negative. When you start thinking ‘you cannot travel, you cannot work’, etc brings in negativity. How to get rid of negativity? Best answer to this is control negative chatters. Don’t divert your mind from your goal! Such negative chatters are not worth against your precious time.
About the Author
Victims Of Bullying At Increased Risk Of Anxiety Disorders And Depression Later On (medicalnewstoday.com)
- Victims of playground bullying ‘can be scarred for life’ and have increased risk of anxiety disorders and depression (dailymail.co.uk)
- Being bullied as a child can leave you scarred for life (schoolsimprovement.net)
- Victims of school bullies ‘scarred for life’ (standard.co.uk)
- Victims Of Bullying At Increased Risk Of Anxiety Disorders And Depression Later On (medicalnewstoday.com)
- Bullying Can Take Toll Beyond Childhood (newser.com)
- Well: Effects of Bullying Last Into Adulthood, Study Finds (well.blogs.nytimes.com)
- Bullied children can suffer lasting psychological harm as adults (eurekalert.org)
© Galina Pembroke
According to a 2004 University of Chicago survey of over 1300 people, women are more likely than men to feel empathy, and feelings of empathy and altruism are unrelated to financial status.(1) These finding may not surprise you. What is surprising is that these feelings have measurable benefits. Not only for the receiver but for the giver.
Increasing immunity through decreasing stress
Cleveland, Ohio’s The Institute for Research on Unlimited Love studies the benefits of altruism, which they define as “unselfish benevolent love.” Recently Esther M. Sternberg, a research professor who authored The Balance Within: The Science Connecting Health and Emotions (Freeman, 2001) wrote a paper for The Institute. In it she examined mechanisms by which altruistic love affects health, concluding that caring may suppress disease activity and activate immune response.(2)
Sternberg says that altruistic love may heal by decreasing or stopping stress. This is important. The stress-state produces terrible effects through both mind and body. The American Psychological Association states that “psychologists have long known that stress impacts our ability to fight infection.”(3) During stress the brain releases unhealthy chemicals and hormones. This affects our immune cell’s operation, reducing their ability to fight infection and inflammation.
Improved immunity is only the first benefit of altruism. Sternberg says that “it is also possible that altruistic love might activate certain aspects of the ‘relaxation response ‘ in addition to blocking aspects of the stress response,”(4) The relaxation response is the opposite of the stress response. The stress response causes an increase in heart rate, stress hormone and blood pressure while slowing digestion. In contrast, the relaxation response allows our heart rate, blood pressure, digestion and hormonal levels to return to normal.
The relaxation from altruistic acts also helps the body stop pain. Allan Luks, the executive director of the Institute for the Advancement of Health, coined the expression “helper’s high.” This feeling mirrors the calm after a good workout. In the 1980’s, while working as executive director for New York’s Big Brothers Big Sisters, Luks surveyed thousands of volunteers about their experiences. From the results he theorized that helping people creates pain-killing endorphins.(5) Since then, multiple studies have supported Luk’s hypothesis.(6) One, published in 1998, found that this helpers high is healing. From two surveys with a total of 1746 participants, the Institute for the Advancement of Health concluded that helping-induced-relaxation was linked to pain relief, particularly in stress-related disorders. These include lupus, multiple sclerosis, voice loss and headaches.(7)
The same surveys revealed that helping produces pleasant feelings and sensations. A majority of participants described these as physical and locatable. Half of the people writing about their experience described feeling high, warm and an increase in energy. This was most intense during touching or listening to someone. Remarkably, a majority of the study participants said these feelings would reoccur, although muted, when they remembered helping.(8 ) Many other studies have similar conclusions. A 2003 New Zealand study of 115 low-income older adults found that altruistic activity, in this case volunteering with a federally subsidized delivery program, predicted a positive mood. (9) The effects of altruism on a happy mood are well recognized throughout the medical world. Dr. Kathleen Hall, a world renowned expert in stress and founder of The Stress Institute, says that “altruism creates a physiological responses or ‘helpers high’ that makes people feel stronger and more energetic and counters harmful effects of stress.”(10)
Overall Mental Health
The combination of positive feelings and increased energy are conducive to overall mental health. This isn’t just self-evident; it’s studied. A 2003 study published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine found that churchgoers who provided love, caring and support to others had better mental health than those who received their care.(11) Study researcher Carolyn Schwartz, ScD, of the University of Massachusetts Medical School explained: “The act of giving to someone else may have mental-health benefits because the very nature of focusing outside the self counters the self-focused nature of anxiety or depression.”(12) This outer-focus also leads to a change in how people perceive their quality of life. In medical terms, changing how quality of life is viewed is called response shift.(13) “These shifts are purported to lead to a renewed perspectiveon one’s life circumstances, such as one’s illness,stressors, or personal loss,” says Schwartz.(14)
However, she adds, giving beyond your resources is worse for mental health than not giving at all.
Stephanie Brown, evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan, studied elderly people involved in giving. Her study profiled 423 elderly couples for 5 years. She found that people who provided no help, either practical or emotional, were more than twice as likely to die than their altruistic peers. In contrast, those who received help had no longevity benefits. Helpees included friends, relatives and family.(15) The results of other studies on altruism’s effect on mortality are similar. In a study of 2,700 residents of Tecumseh, Michigan, researchers found that men who volunteered in their community were two and a half times less likely to die than non-volunteering men.(16)
These social benefits of volunteering aren’t surprising. Luks, the man who coined the term “helpers high,” says that the pleasure of altruism mostly comes from being with others, noting that donating money doesn’t create the same results. Connecting with others is an aspect of altruism that is healthy on its own.(17) The Stress Institute’s founder, Dr. Kathleen Hall states: “Friendships are strong indicators of mental, physical and spiritual health. Friendship is not a luxury, but is essential to work-life balance and your health. Studies show that isolation decreases immune functioning and increases mortality risk.”(18 )
Dr. Hall mentioned spiritual health as an indicator of overall health, and it is. Altruism can work without spirituality, but spirituality cannot work without altruism. Altruism is involved in every moral religion and spirituality. Its health benefits are a wonderful ripple effect.
Deepening our spiritual and/or religious life includes developing altruism. In Transforming the Mind (2000, Thorsons) His Holiness the Dalai Lama explains that since we are all interconnected it makes sense to shift our focus outwards. “If you shift your focus from yourself to others, extend your concern to others, and cultivate the thought of caring for the well-being of others, then this will have the immediate effect of opening up your life and helping you to reach out,” he writes. The scholarly world echoes His Holiness’s view. Deborah R. Rhode, director for the Stanford Center on Ethics states: “For many individuals, charitable assistance is thus a way to express deeply felt values. Volunteers often attribute their contributions to desires to create a better society and to express religious beliefs or ethical principles such as commitment to civil liberties or racial equality.”(20)
Participating in a meaningful goal, connecting with others, and making a difference are wonderful reasons for giving our time and care. As long as it is a labor of love and not just labor we will absorb the benefits. If we have less pain, stress and disease, it is earned. And if in the process we live longer, it is more time for others, not just ourselves.
1. Preidt, Robert. Love for Others May Bring Rewards. 2004 ScoutNews. IVillage Updated 2007. http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/0,,wbnews_8t313hf2,00.html?ice=iv|wb|news,stoic
2. Sternberg, Esther M. Approaches to defining mechanisms by which altruistic love affects health The Institute for Research on Unlimited love. 2005. http://www.unlimitedloveinstitute.org/publications/pdf/whitepapers/Mechanisms_Altruistic.pdf
3. STRESS AFFECTS IMMUNITY IN WAYS RELATED TO STRESS TYPE AND DURATION, AS SHOWN BY NEARLY 300 STUDIES. American Psychological Association. July 4, 2004. Revised 2007http://www.apa.org/releases/stress_immune.htmlml?ice=iv|wb|news,stoic
4. Approaches to defining mechanisms by which altruistic love affects health. Sternberg, Esther M. The Institute for Research on Unlimited Love. Accessed April 11, 2007. http://www.unlimitedloveinstitute.org/publications/pdf/whitepapers/Mechanisms_Altruistic.pdf
5. Jacobs, Gregg D. It is Healthier to Give Than to Receive. TrueStar Health. 2005.
7. Lucs, Allan. Helper’s high: volunteering makes people feel good, physically and emotionallyPsychology Today, Oct, 1988
9. Dunlin, PL, Hill, RD. Relationships between altruistic activity and positive and negative affect among low-income older adult service providers. Aging and Mental Health. 2003 Jul;7(4):294-9.
10. Hall, Kathleen. Stress Reducing Tips. The Stress Institute. 2005. http://www.stressinstitute.com/StressReducing/Stress-Reducing-Tips.aspx
11. Schwartz, C., Psychosomatic Medicine, September/October 2003; vol 65. News release, Health Behavior News Service.
12. Schwartz et al. Altruistic Social Interest Behaviors Are Associated With Better Mental Health Psychosomatic Medicine 65:778-785 (2003) © 2003 American Psychosomatic Society. http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/65/5/778
13. Ring et al. Response shift masks the treatment impact on patient reported outcomes (PROs): the example of individual quality of life in edentulous patients. Health and Quality of Life Outcomes 2005, 3:55 http://www.hqlo.com/content/3/1/55
14. Schwartz et al. Altruistic Social Interest Behaviors Are Associated With Better Mental Health Psychosomatic Medicine 65:778-785 (2003) © 2003 American Psychosomatic Society. http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/65/5/778
15. Swanbrow, Diane. People who give, live longer, IRS study shows. The University Record Online. November 18,2002. http://www.umich.edu/~urecord/0102/Nov18_02/15.shtml
16. Pain relief: Jacobs, Gregg D. Clinical Applications of the Relaxation Response and Mind-Body Interventions. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine. Dec 2001, Vol. 7, No. supplement 1: 93-101
17. Lucs, Allan. Helper’s high: volunteering makes people feel good, physically and emotionallyPsychology Today, Oct, 1988.
18. Hall, Kathleen. Stress Reducing Tips. The Stress Institute. 2005. http://www.stressinstitute.com/StressReducing/Stress-Reducing-Tips.aspx
19. Lama, Dalai HH. Altruism. Excerpt from Transforming the Mind. UK:Thorsons. 2000.
20. Rhode, Deborah. Altruism and Hurricane Katrina: Lessons For and From the Public’s Response to Social Needs. Standford Center on Ethics. 2005. http://ethics.stanford.edu/newsletter/December%2005/Altruism.htm
~ ~ ~
Galina Pembroke was an internationally published writer specializing in health. She passed away on September 12, 2009 at the young age of 34 after a very brief illness.
- How Good Is Your Karma? (psychologytoday.com)
- James R. Doty, M.D.: The Science of Compassion (huffingtonpost.com)
- Fetzer Institute | Resources | Compassionate Love Research | Compassionate Love Research (womensphilanthropy.typepad.com)
- The more gray matter you have, the more altruistic you are (sciencedaily.com)
- Calm in the Midst of Chaos (embracelifeholisticadventures.com)
- Brain Region Predicts Degree Of Altruism (futurepundit.com)
- Individual differences in altruism explained by brain region involved in empathy (medicalxpress.com)
- Your Brain on Altruism. (veganmyway.tumblr.com)
by: Bella Enahoro
Why should you be yourself? The simple answer is ‘because everyone else is taken’ – it’s both the simple answer and an accurate answer. The important question is ‘why are we not ourselves?’ What is the pay off for not being ourselves? Ahhh, now we’re talking.
To begin with, what would cause us to not want to be ourselves? For some of us, we may have been raised in environments where it was dangerous to be who we are. Even as adults we may be working in environments that demand that we be other than who we are in order to ensure job security. So we conclude, I have to be other than I am to get what I want i.e. love, safety, income etc.
We may have learned to believe ‘who I am is not good enough to be loved, guaranteed safety, approved of’. We may have been told ‘who you are is not worth treating well’. We may have learned ‘who you are is not good enough to meet my standards for ‘being good enough’. We may become convinced that we are less than we should be.
When we feel not good enough what happens to our lives? We end up putting things on hold until we feel we ‘deserve’ by becoming good enough. We spend so much time striving to feel that we’re good enough. Have I accomplished enough, am I good looking enough, is my car big/fast/exclusive enough, is my job title high enough, do I have enough awards to be good enough? Exhausting isn’t it?
Self worth and authenticity are intrinsically linked. The worth we have in our own eyes, a sense of worth not built on acquisition, job title, appearance, credentials – is the only worth, worth living out of. How many of us realise that we have an intrinsic worth greater than anything on the outside? If we go through life with a sense of being deficient then we are motivated to acquire value – the things that others value in the world then become our aim in life. I may not be good enough in and of myself but look what I’ve got, becomes our calling card.
Sooner or later, things fall apart, if we’re lucky. It can take many forms e.g we can lose everything we spent our whole lives accruing or we meet someone or a situation who places no value on our ‘social bling’. We run helter skelter trying to get them to ‘see’ us as our bling or we go somewhere else. But there’s a crack in the tea cup. When it finally breaks open, our break down becomes our breakthrough.
We begin to look for another way. What we’ve been looking for is a way to feel good about who we are, under all circumstance. We don’t always realise it at first since there’s much howling in pain and hanging onto fast disappearing ‘bling’.
The breakthrough cracks us wide open and everything we’ve been taught is ‘wrong’ with us, all the things we’ve been taught make us ‘not good enough’ stare us in the face. Excruciating at first but if we stay, refuse to take flight, we can transform. Now begins the re-acquainting ourselves with the ‘real’ us, all of it.
There are many transformation technologies from journaling, meditation, prayer, walking, body work, sound, vibrational healing. We tend to gravitate towards one that works for us. Soon the pain subsides, loses its edge. We don’t feel so raw. Our lives may be in shambles around us but we can stand to be alive and increasingly we can stand to be ourselves. We live in a time of infinite help with wonderful teachers who can assist us in moving out of our debris; emotional, psychological and spiritual.
Not being who we are, may be something we picked up at our beginning but was never a part of our being and we need not continue with it.
November’s LiveWell Audio features Sarah Ban Breathnach who guides the listener on a journey to reclaim our authentic selves and the beauty of the life we can create from our ‘real’ selves.
About The Author: Bella Enahoro is the founder of http://www.livewellaudio.com a Motivational company that helps individuals,non-profits and companies improve their lives, build communities, profts and positive impact. Visit her website for the latest on audiobooks, downloads and articles on self-help, personal growth, professional development and spirituality.
The author invites you to visit: http://www.livewellaudio.com
- Maslow and the Baby Boomers (psychologytoday.com)
- Abraham Maslow’s Unfinished Projects (psychologytoday.com)
- Reflection Week 2 (mmselmath.wordpress.com)
- Needs-based Motivation (mmselmath.wordpress.com)
- On the Importance of Human Dignity (wherein I attempt an explanation of why we’re in this mess) (warmsouthernbreeze.wordpress.com)
- The Psychological basis for Altruism accords with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (waynegordon.wordpress.com)
- Lega’s Second Reflection: “Mbah” Maslow’s Theory (mmselmath.wordpress.com)
- My Reflection (mmselmath.wordpress.com)
- Week 2. I like the Role Play!! (mmselmath.wordpress.com)
- MMSEL Journal Reflection Week 2, Topic 2 (mmselsectionc.wordpress.com)
- “Do you study for credits or do you study for life?” (mmselsectionc.wordpress.com)
- The Notion of Self-Actualization (listentomethunder.wordpress.com)
- Is the Anti-Maslow Movement Gaining Strength? (i2i-align.com)
- is it hierarchy or can it jump? (mmselsectionc.wordpress.com)
- John Tropea: We are hardwired to not just survive, but to authentically express our self, meaningfully connect, contribute, self-actualize (johntropea.tumblr.com)
- Live First, Work Second (candidness.wordpress.com)
- The Lonely Road to Self-Actualization (listentomethunder.wordpress.com)
- The difference between needing and wanting (drfranryan.wordpress.com)
- Comparison between Maslow and McClelland’s Need theories (wiki.answers.com)
- Social Networks: What Maslow Misses (psychologytoday.com)
- Evolutionary Maslow Unscientific (psychologytoday.com)
- Happiness: Maslow’s hierarchy updated (houghtonlee.wordpress.com)
- Needs theories anew: Coming home to a place they’ve never been before (examiner.com)
- Self-Monitoring and Authenticity (edbatista.com)
- Are You An Authentic Leader? (vistage.com)
- The DailyOm: Essential Authenticity – December. 2, 2011 (jhaines6.wordpress.com)
- 21 Quotes on Authenticity (psychologytoday.com)
Copyright © Harry Henshaw, Ed.D., LMHC. All rights reserved.
Success in recovery, or rather, staying in recovery, is dependent upon a variety of factors. For example, it appears that attending daily NA or AA meetings and staying in communication with ones chosen sponsor will definitely assist an individual in successfully implementing his recovery plan. Getting and staying committed to working the 12 Step Program also appears to increase the probability of the person staying abstinent from drugs and alcohol. While the above-mentioned elements of a persons overall recovery plan are crucial to his recovery, another major factor that will greatly influence an individual’s continued abstinence is how he is able to handle the breakdowns that happen in life.
Knowing about breakdowns, what they are and how to manage them, is absolutely necessary for one to stay committed to his recovery plan. Breakdowns are what brought an individual into treatment and eventually created the space for him to begin his recovery. Breakdowns also happen while a person is in treatment and will continue to take place after he leaves. Even after successfully completing a treatment program, breakdowns are almost certain to happen as one returns to the community from which he came. In fact, both the client and his counselor should expect breakdowns to occur after treatment. It is for this reason that knowledge of the structure of breakdowns and how to transform them is very important if not crucial for the individual wanting recovery.
What are breakdowns? Experientially breakdowns start to occur when an event or events happen that the individual believes should not happen or ought to happen differently than how they take place. As a result the individual starts to feel frustrated, angry, disappointed or even sad about what is happening in his life. Inside these types of emotions the person starts to become resentful, creating a story about the event and to which he will eventually begin to blame, be it other people, places, things, situations or circumstances for that which is appearing. A breakdown eventuates into a relapse when the individual believes that his experience is intolerable, feels inadequate with respect as to how to handle it and chooses to use drugs or alcohol to reduce the emotional component of that he is experiencing. In this case, a breakdown and ones inability to transform it leads directly to relapse.
Inside the work of transformational counseling, the process of enrollment will assist the individual in becoming authentic where he was being inauthentic and also allow that person to stay in his recovery. Enrollment is the third component of transformational counseling the utilization of which allows the individual to again move out of his self-limiting belief and back into being his created possibilities. When one begins to experience a breakdown he has gone back into being his self-limiting belief. Their will be the pretense of what is happening and that which is again hidden from him hence the created inauthenticity. The technology of the enrollment process allows the individual the ability to transform the experience by being authentic and as a result regaining his power and freedom through being his possibilities. Utilization of the process of enrollment as with transformation itself is a practice that requires a great deal of commitment. As with any skill the structure of enrollment is taught and it is in communication with the persons coach or even sponsor that its implementation is brought forth into the individual’s life.
The first component of enrollment has to do with recognizing when one is in a breakdown. The key to such awareness is to be found in how the individual is feeling about what is happening in his life at any one moment. There are many times in our lives where we do not stop to monitor or become present to how we are feeling. Sometimes we have a tendency to merely ignore or move away from how we are feeling about something or someone. Breakdowns have certain emotions attached to their design. Those most common are emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, frustration and sadness. The first part of utilizing the enrollment process is to monitor ones feeling state, to become present to how one is feeling and to do so to the point that it becomes part of ones very way of being in the world. Learning how to stay aware of ones emotional state is crucial to being able to successfully transform the breakdown experience that is being created.
The second component has to do with becoming present to the story that the person is creating with respect to the breakdown. While the emotional state of the individual is very important to become aware of, listening to the story that he is creating is also equally of importance. Within a conversation of transformation, every emotion is created by a thought. When there are negative emotions present in a person’s life as he is experiencing a breakdown there are also corresponding thoughts taking place. The thoughts that are taking place will appear as a story in the person’s mind. Within a breakdown the story will be other oriented, involving external people, places, things, circumstance or situations. Within the structure of the story, inherent to it, will be the belief that the external events are the real or true cause of how the person is feeling. It is with these thoughts that the breakdown and inauthentic way of being exists, a pretense that it is about another, hiding what it is truly about. As mentioned above, blame and resentment will eventually result. Becoming present to the story is vital if one is not to impulsively act upon it and as a result bring its destructive consequences into existence with respect to his life. Becoming present or an observer to ones story is crucial to transforming a breakdown.
The third component involves becoming present to ones self-limiting belief, to the source, to that which actually created the breakdown. Becoming present to ones self limiting belief, to that which has determined ones life up until the process of transformation began to take place, is the first component in the process of transformational counseling. Even though the distinction of ones self-limiting belief will create the space for the person to begin to create his life anew, it does not go away, become fixed or get cured. The self-limiting belief, much like a virus that has appeared in the human body, continues to exist. As with any idea that we have or create about us, it is also a way of being. We be or exist by what we think and more specifically by what we think about ourselves. What we are familiar with is being our self-limiting belief in the world. It is familiar for us to think and feel that the world is more powerful and real than we are and furthermore, that it is something that must be controlled and even survived. We will eventually experience a breakdown given our sense of inadequacy with respect to the world as this is how we have been in the community in the past. However, once the self-limiting belief is again distinguished the inauthenticity begins to weaken or be dissolved.
The fourth component of enrollment involves creating a possibility inside the breakdown experience. This act of creation can be to invent a new possibility or enroll oneself back into a person’s previously chosen possibilities. Creating possibilities for ones life is the second component of transformational counseling. However, once we get it that we are being our self limiting belief, that the source of the breakdown is the self limiting belief and not that which the story tends convey, it is at that moment that we can generate a possibility to be at that moment, a possibility to stand inside given the breakdown experience. It is by generating a possibility by our spoken word that the experience itself will transform. The breakdown only happens because of who we are being. It is by causing a possibility to come into existence through our word that the inauthentic way of being completely dissolves and with it the breakdown itself. It is with the creation of a possibility that the person’s power and freedom are once again restored.
The final component of the enrollment technology is acknowledgement. Once the experience is transformed it is important for a person to get the victory that his possibility has made for himself and his life, to acknowledge the difference of such a victory. Acknowledgement is about getting how the created or invented possibility has transformed the breakdown from what it was to that which is truly a breakthrough for the individual, especially with respect to the event or experience occurring. Acknowledgement is about getting the power of our word for allowing us to transform breakdowns into breakthroughs, to once again become our possibilities. It is this acknowledgement that strengthens ones process of transformation leaving the person’s power, freedom and self-expression fully restored. Acknowledgement is about standing in ones possibility, celebrating ones power and freedom having given up being a victim.
The practice of enrollment will make a difference for the person wanting recovery. Applying the technology of enrollment will enable the person to transform a breakdown when it happens and as a result avoid the destructive and possibly even lethal consequences that would have happened as a result of staying in a breakdown. For the individual in recovery, staying in a breakdown only increases the chances that he will turn to drugs and/or alcohol to reduce the emotional component of a breakdown. Staying in a breakdown as opposed to being able to transform tends to lead to relapse. Clients at the Holistic Addiction Treatment Program in North Miami Beach, Florida are taught to distinguish their self-limiting belief, create new possibilities for their life and furthermore, how to utilize the power of enrollment technology. The success of utilizing enrollment and even recovery itself, especially in the early stages of sobriety, will necessitate the person staying in contact with his sponsor or counselor especially when breakdowns happen. It is only in communication with another that the individual will continue to be his possibilities in life.
Harry Henshaw, Ed.D., LMHC
- Metatron: The Law of Attraction (How & When it Works & Why it Doesn’t) (jhaines6.wordpress.com)
- Breakdown blues – what should you do? (forres-gazette.co.uk)
- Relationships / Family (cutie79.wordpress.com)
- Collective Consciousness (nicoleciccarelli.com)
- Breakdowns Broken Down (tomaplomb.blogspot.com)